"i didn’t know i could feel like this​"
the weather has been beautiful and as the breeze touches my skin a sense of purpose whirls its way through my skin and into my blood. on some days i wake up and remember why i am alive and why I was meant to be in this place. the intensity of my gratefulness serves as a reminder of my complex emotions; but not only mine, the complex emotions of all of us; it is the way we are destined to be inter-connected until death. and it is on these days that death does not frighten me but instead acts as a consequence to living. but i will not let the consequence of living distract me from the joy in being alive. i exist because of a fluke but in these moments it seems intentional. these words i write could not have been written by another, and that is something special all on its own. certain elements bring me the most passion, just as with anyone else. we are all alike and yet we are all different, each going through a unique version of the same human experience. the times at which i feel most like my own species are the times i feel the least alone and the most understood. not only do i feel understood, but i understand. i understand the state of the world and the cause and effect of emotion and action. the chemicals in our brains dictate the way we handle every situation but when i am on my happiness high i have never felt more in control, more optimistic. each moment that leaves us feeling uplifted was a moment worth living, a moment worth risking the ultimate consequence. out of every hole, every grievance one might experience in this world ultimately comes a bright light, one that guides the way back to this place of happiness and gratefulness. though it may seem like the work of something otherworldly or perhaps even godly, it is unlikely so; it is the elasticity of our brains to process such strong feelings of sadness or anger and transform them into something useful and inspiring. is it ever in our very own hands to determine our emotional reactions? in my own experience emotion has a way of leading you to it, making you do things to reach it, acting as a mental destination. i understand now, why this bliss is temporary; it behaves like a reflex, activating when pushed, as it is supposed to. and though i know it is only temporary, and soon this great joy will be replaced with another reactionary feeling, likely of the same magnitude, it is expected that when this is over i will forget what it means to be happy, unwillingly allowing the next emotion to take ownership of my mind.